


i need your grace to remind me

by Cumberbatch Critter (ivelostmyspectacles)



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nervous Fenris, Wedding Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-06-02 04:18:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6550510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivelostmyspectacles/pseuds/Cumberbatch%20Critter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>to find my own</i>
</p><p> </p><p>"Fenris is leaving Hawke at the altar!</p><p>
  <i>"What?"</i>
</p><p> <i>"Rivaini. </i>I didn't say that."</p>
            </blockquote>





	i need your grace to remind me

"Well, shit."

Hawke looked up, fingers falling away from the flowers that Merrill had pinned to his jacket, and watched Varric enter the small room in the mirror's reflection. _Well, shit_ was not one of Hawke's favorite catchphrases of Varric's, especially not on his wedding day. "What?"

Varric sighed. "Well, I've got good news and I've got bad news. No, don't pick one," he said when Hawke opened his mouth, "I'm going to give you the good news first." He set aside the plain white box he was holding, the one that held the rings, and gestured to the door. "The good news is that Kitten's flowers are up all over this place, it hasn't started snowing yet in this cold as shit weather, and you look... really good in that ensemble." He waved his hand towards Hawke.

Hawke raised an eyebrow, glancing at his own reflection in the mirror on reflex. He _did_ look good. They had had these garments sent in specifically from Orlais, made specially for the Champion of Kirkwall and his lover. The finery was black as pitch, snug and sleek, a simple golden cord cinching around the waist. Hawke had jokingly suggested plaideweave at first before being shut down - immediately - by any interested party, including his groom. _Especially_ his groom. The white and yellow flowers, all of Merrill's doing, that were littered around the Chantry and the courtyard were also littered on _him_ , pinned to the overcoat, smearing and spreading pollen where they lie. Hawke didn't even know _where_ the flowers had come from. It was colder than the ass end of the whole of Thedas, like Varric was saying, but here they were.

Here they were.

"You're flattering me," he said, looking back at Varric. "It must be _really_ bad news." He inhaled sharply with a quick realization. "Maker, it's the cake, isn't it? Something's happened to our cake. I thought we said we could get a tasteful representation of the Arishok's skull on it!"

Isabela scoffed from behind him, and Varric's expression seemed to mirror the sentiment. "No, I just..." He sighed. "I passed Broody in the hall."

Hawke raised his eyebrows. "Okay."

"He... didn't look so well."

"‘Didn’t look well’?" Hawke repeated. In all of his little taunts and teases, whatever he had been thinking that had gone wrong, he hadn't expected it would be a problem with Fenris himself. "What do you mean?"

"Look, Broody's been flighty the past week. I don't blame him. Maybe he just needed to get some air, he looked like he was about to keel over," Varric muttered. "I just passed him in the hallway. He was headed out."

" _Out_?" Isabela demanded. "Out where?? He's getting married in... _ten minutes_! He can't go _out_!"

"I just wanted to ask- oh, Hawke, you don't look so well." Merrill had only just stepped in, and was now looking between them, the concern deepening in her wide eyes. "What did I miss?"

"Fenris is leaving Hawke at the altar!"

" _What_?"

" _Rivaini_. I didn't say that."

"I'll drag him back myself!"

"No." Hawke unfroze, shaking his head. "No, I'll... I'll go." He unstuck his feet from the ground, strode for the door. He hadn't expected this, not really, and even if things weren't what they seemed - and even if they _were_ \- well, it didn't matter.

"And do what? Demand an explanation?"

"No, I-" The heavy wooden door beneath his fingers was old. The paint was flaking, and the wood cracking. He ran his fingertips against it, and breathed out slowly. "He needs to know that if he wants to go, he can go. I'm not going to stop him. But I'm not going anywhere, either. I'll wait so long as it takes. If he's never ready, I'm fine with that, too. He just... needs to know that." He ducked around the door and hurried down the hallway. If Fenris was just out of sorts with nerves, he would soothe him. If he needed time, he would get it. Hawke just wanted to make sure he was _alright_.

They hadn't moved too fast, had they? He cringed internally, because, of course, they were moving fast. This was all fast to Fenris, and Hawke had tried to take it all into consideration. He had thought that they had managed, that he had managed.

The blast of cold air whipping through the back of the building nearly knocked the breath out of him. A winter wedding. It was all so cold. A shiver crawled up his spine as he stepped into the open doorway, catching a glimpse of silver and black standing on the stairsteps, shoulders slumped, hands into fists at his sides. Hawke was about to step into the outdoors when voices drifted through to him from the open door.

" - a moment, Fenris?"

Hawke tilted his head. Sebastian? Hawke had known that Sebastian was part of the group tending to Fenris for the wedding (helping used in the barest sense of the word, seeing as how Hawke hadn't expected Fenris to let anyone help him in the same way that Varric, Isabela, and Merrill were helping him). He had gone after him, then. That was good. It was somebody to talk to. Fenris had always seemed surprisingly tolerant of the archer.

Fenris didn't respond immediately or, if he did, Hawke did not hear. The words came soon enough. "This... is unfamiliar," Fenris said slowly, unassuredly. As though he were picking the words out carefully, trying to figure the easiest, simplest route to convey what was going on in his mind.

Sebastian crossed the stairs between them, hands folded behind his back. "A person doesn't get married every day, no."

"It is more than that."

Sebastian stopped a few paces away. And he didn't say anything, just followed Fenris's gaze off into the horizon, towards the gray sky. Watching the clouds, and waiting for Fenris to continue.

Hawke was blessed in his company. In the people that he chose to trust, and the people that his friends chose to trust. He was glad that, had he not been here himself, Fenris had someone to stand with him and mull through the proceedings with.

"Marriage... was different, in Tevinter," Fenris said shortly. "Slaves were permitted only to marry under certain circumstances, and only with express permission."

Sebastian glanced at him. "You are not a slave, Fenris."

Hawke tipped his head back against the wall, closing his eyes. He would have to thank Sebastian later. The man was so often absent from their games of Wicked Grace, peacefully begging off from their drinks with twinkling eyes and a smile. He did not know the man as well as the rest of his companions; he did not think any less of him for it, either. Sebastian had faith. Sometimes, Hawke was in desperate need of that, more than he would admit to anyone.

Fenris, too. Fenris needed it, too.

Which was why Fenris went to sermon now, semi-regularly, even, on Sebastian's suggestion, even though Isabela and Varric especially poked fun at stepping foot in the Chantry, even when Hawke did not offer to go with him. (Fenris had never asked, either.) Faith was a good influence in Fenris's life. So was Sebastian.

Fenris seemed to huff, turning his head away. "I used to be."

"What we were in our pasts... what matters is that we have changed since then," Sebastian replied. "Just as I have changed, so have you. Each day we are shaped by the events of our worlds... Those events led you here, to this Chantry, to the courtyard in a few moments if you wish it. To Hawke," he added.

"Yes..." Fenris blew out a breath that was audible even to Hawke, still tucked up in the shadows at the exit of the building. "It still baffles me that he wishes to be bound to me for the remains of his life."

"Love is still one of life's mysteries." Sebastian shrugged. "But I do know... Hawke... he loves you more than anything else. He would do anything for you."

"I _know_ that," Fenris retorted. "All of Kirkwall knows by now, surely."

"You don't want Kirkwall to know?"

Fenris's fingers relaxed and tensed, kneading into his palm before straightening again. "I... do not know."

"You're frightened?"

"No." Fenris's head whipped around to look at Sebastian. "... Maybe. _Venhedis_ ," he hissed. "I don't know. That's the point. It's all such a mess."

Sebastian hummed. Or laughed, Hawke couldn't tell exactly. "You're nervous. Ah, don't look at me that way. It's good to be nervous. All these emotions means that it's a big decision. That you're invested in it. That you care about the ramifications of it. Do you love him?"

Fenris shuffled from one foot to the other. "... Yes."

"Do you deserve him?"

"What?"

"Do you deserve him?"

Fenris stared at him wordlessly.

Sebastian glanced sideways. "That's part of the root of the problem, isn't it? Your past. Hawke's present. You're worried. Again: do you deserve him?"

"I..."

 _You idiot, of course you deserve me._ I'm _the one who doesn't deserve you._

"Fenris," Sebastian urged. "Do you deserve him?"

"You'd have to ask Hawke," Fenris said stubbornly.

"I'm not asking Hawke, I'm asking you."

"I don't have an answer."

"You should."

"I don't."

" _I_ do," Sebastian said. "But you don't need to hear it from me. You don't need to hear it from any of us. You need to hear it from _yourself_."

"You want me to say that I deserve him?"

"What was that?"

"I said, you want me to say-" Fenris stopped. "Oh."

Sebastian smirked.

"Very smart," Fenris said dryly.

"Fenris, any of us would say that you and Hawke? You both deserve all of the happiness that Kirkwall can give you. But all of our approval can't make that decision for you. Some things, you need to say to yourself."

"Fenris!" Hawke jumped at the voice. Fenris and Sebastian probably did, too. " _There_ you are!" Donnic came bustling across the lawn. "We need to go in, they're about to start the music. Aveline's ready to come at you with the sword if you don't get in there. Varric said they lost Hawke, too." He sighed. "I wasn't cut out for _my_ wedding, I still can't do this well."

"Where's Hawke?" Fenris asked, turning to Donnic.

"I don't know, Varric said he rushed out of getting ready to do something, I'm sure he'll be there when he's supposed to be. No one's going to know if we don't get in there."

"There's no wedding if Hawke isn't here," Fenris muttered. " _Fasta vass_ , where did he go _now_?" he grumbled, striding determinedly past Sebastian and Donnic and into the building.

Best to get back to his room before they sent out a search party. Hawke was just moving away when Sebastian turned enough to look over his shoulder, meeting Hawke's gaze in the twilight. Hawke froze, then grinned a lopsided grin - _what could I do, Sebastian?_ \- and pressed a finger to his lips.

Sebastian said nothing, wearing that small smile as he followed after Fenris and Donnic.

 

 

"I do deserve you." Fenris's fingers pressed imprints on Hawke's bare chest, silver hair hanging into his eyes.

"Oh, you do." Hawke held onto Fenris's hips, fingers trailing against a whorl of lyrium. "Prove it to me?"

Fenris smiled. "I'm serious."

"So am I," Hawke said softly.

"Hmm." Fenris's smile morphed into a smirk. "I'll still prove it, though." Fingertips tweaked against a nipple, and Hawke jumped, and then laughed, rolling to press Fenris into the mattress.

"You have all night," he teased, leaning down to capture his mouth.

"We have the rest of our lives," Fenris muttered.

Whatever Hawke might have said was lost as Fenris grabbed a fistful of his hair, pulling him in for another kiss.

_Fenris, you don't know._

_You thought you didn't deserve me._

_Maker only knows what I did to deserve you_.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Other things I didn't get to elaborate on:
> 
> Hawke's "groomsmen": Varric, Isabela, and Merrill  
> Fenris's "groomsmen": Sebastian, Donnic, Aveline  
> Ring bearer: Varric (or Mabari I mean I can't decide)  
> Flower girl: obviously Merrill here
> 
> The cake honestly does not have the Arishok on it. Hawke honestly did suggest plaideweave. He was joking. ~~He says.~~ Where is Anders? I just don't know. I think he's probably there as a guest, but he's just not supportive enough to be part of the wedding itself. Carver is there as a begrudging guest. (He will leave without saying a word.) Fenris was having a mild anxiety attack in his room prior to the beginning of this story, hence why he had to leave. Fenris is shaking from the moment that Hawke takes his hands as they begin the ceremony (he's been shaking since he stepped foot in the building tbh). Hawke gets teary-eyed. Fenris can't meet Hawke's eye when Hawke says his _specially prepared_ vows because if Fenris looks at him while he's showering him in compliments, he's going to lose it and then HE will be the one crying.
> 
> ... I might just make a post on Tumblr about these wedding things. You can check there in a bit, if you like. xD
> 
> TLDR; Sebastian and Fenris's relationship is very important to me; Fenris being self-accepting is very important to me; the boys getting married whether in a lavish ceremony or just by themselves, doesn't matter, it's important to me. 
> 
> The title is from _Chasing Cars_ by Snow Patrol. I do not own it, nor do I own _Dragon Age_. Thanks for reading!


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